Respond In Kind

In our quest for harmonious relationships at work, in social circles, and with family life, Courtney and I are quickly finding immense value in the principle of “responding in kind.” In other words, the energy someone puts into our relationships…we match that same kind of energy level. 

It’s not only a natural process…it’s a biblical concept. Matthew 7:12 tells us, “So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.” It’s a guiding concept that is slowly reshaping our interactions. It is an intentional process of emphasizing reciprocity (that’s a real word I promise) in an effort to bring balance to our everyday connections.

Responding in kind (matching someone else’s energy) is all about responding to the energy we receive from others in an effort to grow (or in some cases discontinue) the relationships we are a part of. When others treat us with kindness, respect, and put forth effort into the relationship, we match that positive energy. Conversely, when faced with disrespect, disregard, or a lack of commitment that threatens the relationship, we pull back on the energy, time, and effort we are putting into the relationship. We invest that energy elsewhere while they figure out if they want to grow the relationship…or let it dwindle. And yes…I know…these are harsh words (and can be painful to hear and put into action sometimes) but at the end of the day, self preservation is a crucial cornerstone in the foundation to a healthy and successful life.

What It Looks Like

• Work Environment: Suppose a colleague consistently offers support, collaborates positively, and contributes to a productive work atmosphere. Embracing the principle of matching energy here means reciprocating with similar enthusiasm, support, and a collaborative spirit. Spend your energy building a relationship that benefits both of you…and the company. Conversely, encountering a colleague who undermines or disrespects your efforts might warrant a reflective response—maintaining professionalism but adjusting your investment in that relationship accordingly. If they are not adding value to the relationship…then don’t waste your energy trying to appease or walk on eggshells. Not only is it detrimental to your personal health, it’s detrimental to the company.
• Social Interactions: In social circles, if a friend consistently shows care, respects boundaries, and invests time and effort, reciprocating these actions strengthens the bond. That’s called true friendship. This is true for BFFs, boyfriends/girlfriends, and spouses. On the other hand, encountering a friend who disregards boundaries or constantly undermines the relationship might prompt a reevaluation of the energy you invest in that friendship. When only one person in the relationship is working to strengthen the ties that bind…the ride will be wobbly…and eventually the wheels will fall off. Spend your time and effort on relationships that bless both of you. 
• NOTE: “Respond In Kind” does not mean “Act Like A Jack-Wang”:  Never (EVER) respond in a manner that is vengeful, disrespectful, or harmful. The idea is to direct our energy somewhere else (either for a while…or for good). If it’s time for the relationship to come to an end, then our actions should bring closure (after the pain in some cases) and not be something that causes regret. We don’t want to look back years from now and say, “I wish I hadn’t acted that way”. If we have to end a relationship, do it with dignity and honor. Take the high ground. 

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” ~Romans 12:18

So, How Do We Respond In Kind?

When it comes to responding in kind, or matching someone’s energy, there are 4 key steps we can take. These are the steps I’ve identified as being fundamental in our effort to implement this concept.

• 1) Observe What Goes On: Begin by becoming mindful of the experiences surrounding your interactions. Notice how people engage with you, their attitudes, and the effort they invest.
• 2) Set Boundaries: Understand that responding in kind isn’t about conforming to negative behavior but setting boundaries. It’s about protecting your emotional well-being while fostering healthier connections. I’ve written many times about the need for each of us to have a mission statement and a set of values that identify who we are and what our life mission is. Knowing the “real us” is a crucial step in cementing our boundaries.
• 3) Respond: Based on your observations, consciously choose your responses. If someone displays positive energy and respect, respond with the same. When met with negativity or disrespect, consider how you want to mirror that energy without compromising your values. Perhaps it’s taking a break from the relationship for a period of time. Or…maybe it is bringing the relationship to a close and being grateful for the blessings (even the smallest blessings) that were experienced when the relationship was fruitful.
• 3) Reflect and Adjust: Regularly reflect on your interactions with coworkers, friends…and even family. Assess whether the energy exchanged in these relationships aligns with your values. Then…invest your efforts accordingly. Remember, as we strive to continuously improve our lives, we must constantly reflect and pivot as needed.

Bottom LIne Y’all…

Integrating the principle of “responding in kind” into our daily lives can be a huge tool in the toolbox of personal development. Be it in business or in our personal lives, matching the energy of others can be liberating. Hard (at times)…but liberating. The relationships (all relationships) we are a part of should encourage and inspire us. They should help foster a healthier, more balanced lifestyle. We must stop wasting time and energy on relationships that are one sided and don’t bring joy, trust, and value! By consciously mirroring the energy we receive, our relationships will have a stronger, more positive impact on our lives, and the lives of those about us.